Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
