Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Randomize
