Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
