and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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