Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
