You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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