I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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