I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
