Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
