exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
