I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
