Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
How does it feel to date your dad?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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