How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
