HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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