You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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