Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize
