I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
