Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
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