there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
