ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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