I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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