what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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