i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
He is an equal opportunity slut.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
