Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
