The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
