Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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