Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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