You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
