I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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