I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
