She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
