So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
