Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
