he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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