Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
