Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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