My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
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