One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
