ya dads aren't the best wingmen
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
