I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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