Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
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