U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
