She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
