i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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