I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
