i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
