remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
