im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
