somebody snuck up and got me drunk
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
