Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
