i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
