i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize