the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
