I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
