I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
