cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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