I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
