He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
