Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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