3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
