mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
