yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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