WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
