hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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