um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
