hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
