it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
