im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
