You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
