I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
