Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
