i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize