check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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